Image courtesy of Ekaterina Shevchenko @ Unsplash
You know the score. Someone compliments you on some work that you’ve completed or even your outfit and immediately you bat it back at them as you don’t feel worthy of the compliment. If you do then you’re not alone. In fact a study, carried out by YouGov on behalf of retailer JD Williams, found that 52 per cent of women reject compliments altogether when given as opposed to 37 per cent of men.
If accepting compliments is uncomfortable then you may use a deflection technique to take the spotlight off yourself with techniques such as using humour to deflect it, say it wasn’t just you and was down to the team (even if it was you!) or playing down the size or impact of the achievement.
Not accepting compliments is seen as one of the common traits of someone experiencing Imposter Syndrome, so if you want to work on overcoming Imposter Syndrome then this is one area that you can work on.
Also this has to come with a word of warning that this will feel very uncomfortable to start with but with time, practice and effort you will be able to shift this. How do I know? I used to use all of the deflection techniques above and was so embarrassed by praise as I didn’t feel I was deserving. To start with I would accept them but feel very uncomfortable and undeserving but over time I’ve learnt to not only accept them but appreciate and enjoy them.
So if you’re ready to break this habit pattern then here’s some ways to accept compliments:
Say thank you FULL STOP. That means not adding any of the deflection techniques on the end or feeling like you need to give one back. Say thank you and move the conversation on. This will feel so uncomfortable to start with but over time it does get easier
Imagine it’s a gift wrapped in lovely paper and tied up with a big ribbon. This will help you to think of it as a physical gift so you’re seeing the thought of the person giving it to you. What would happen if someone has given you a physical gift and you throw it back at them. How harsh would that be?
Once someone has given you the compliment aka the gift imagine putting it in your pocket. Over time you’ll end up with a bunch of compliments in your pockets and as you empty your pockets before you wash your clothes, imagine finding them and how that will make you feel. It’s like finding money in your pocket. That’s such a good feeling (not just me hey!)
Another way is to imagine catching the compliment in your hand and place it in your heart as I’m sure the person who gave it to you wanted you to receive the gift with love.
Finally one way to help you in this area is thinking about what you’re giving to the other person who has given you the compliment. Imagine how they feel when their gift is well received.
So if you learn to accept them, then it’s accepting the lovely gift someone decided to give to you. You’ll make them feel like their opinions matter and it might give them a boost. Over time you can learn to not only accept them but appreciate them too. Then everyone’s happy and I love a win-win situation!
If you would like some help to dissolve your Imposter, then click here and book a free discovery call and let’s discuss working together.