5 reasons to be selfish

Do you ever get to the end of the day falling into bed exhausted by everything you had to do that day?  Do you ever wish that you had time to relax or do something for you?  Do you feel guilty for wanting to escape away from your friends and family for some me time but never get round to doing it?

We are taught from an early age that being selfish is a bad thing.  We are taught that it is nice to share our sweets and let others play with our toys.  If we dared to snatch or pull a face we would be told not to be selfish.  They were teaching us what was right and what was wrong so we can have this deep rooted sense that we must give to others, we must share with others, we must always be nice to others.  So we can develop an attitude that selfish is bad.  Indeed we meet someone who did not get a deep rooted sense of not being selfish and we say "Oooooo they are really selfish aren't they" but question is are they or have they mastered the art of putting themselves first?  In fact I do believe that one of the ways we can feed Imposter Syndrome is when we are run down, tired, exhausted and heading to burnout.  We can't think straight, we can't concentrate, we walk around under a cloud of brain fog.  We then make mistakes or we can't focus.  We forget things and then it starts the self doubt creeping in.  So I am here to tell you that you selfish is good and you need to be selfish, in fact your future health and wellbeing depends on it.

Here are 5 reasons why I believe we must become more selfish:-

1.  You need to fill up your cup.  Now I don't mean making a cup of tea.  I mean putting on your oxygen mask before helping others.  You can't be of use to yourself and others if you are tired, worn out, knackered.  There is only so long before you hit burnout then you will have no choice but to be selfish.
2. You deserve it.  Yes you do.  Everyone deserves to have some me time.  You are  freaking amazing and a super star who gives gives gives but why shouldn't you have time just for you.  You are the one person that will always be a constant in your life so you want them to be happy right?  Be kind to you, you deserve it.
3. People pleasing is exhausting.  Any people pleasers will be silently nodding their head right now.  You know the score - someone asks you to do something and your immediate habit is to say yes and then you immediately wish you had the courage to say no.  Then you spend minutes and hours wishing you had said no.  Think of all that mental space and energy you use.  Life is too short to be spent mentally wishing you made different choices, putting your own needs and wants first.
4. You will never get this time back.  Time is so precious and the one thing that you cannot buy.  Look at time as money and would you hand all of your money out willy nilly to others without contemplating whether you had enough left for you? Time is going to pass so keep some just for you.
5. Others will be thankful.  Yes you heard me right.  Just imagine if you took some time just for you.  You pampered yourself, you spent time doing something that sets your soul alight and you allow your mind and body to relax.  Can you imagine how much nicer it will be to spend time with you.  Others will see the best version of you because you are not a tired, frazzled version of you.  They will thank you I am sure of it.

So lets just say you might try this on for size.  If you are not used to this it may feel alien and you may feel guilty and uncomfortable at the start but with enough practice you could become good at this.  Here are some ways that can help with this:-

1. Block out some time in your diary and label it 'Me Time" and once you have done it, do not change it.  It is not an appointment that can be or should be moved.  Now if you are someone who really thinks they don't have any time, i challenge you to start small.  How can you find 15 mins to find a moment of bliss?
2. When someone asks you to do something, say that you will check and come back to them.  Buy yourself some time.  Then ask yourself, do I want to do this at this time?  If the answer is no then say thank you but not this time.  It doesn't mean you will never do something with them again, not just on this occasion.
3. Here's a biggie - your to do list will never end! Like ever! So stop trying to fit it all in.  Know that somethings will NEVER get done and everything does not need to be perfect.  Swap a chore for some me time.
4. Tell yourself over and over, I deserve some time for me.  If you tell yourself enough times you might just believe it.

So the big question is will you?  Will you be selfish and love yourself.  Treat yourself with the love and caring side of you that you selflessly give to others.  I do hope so.

Are you faking it?

Do you ever get the feeling that you are a fake?

Waiting for someone to find out that you aren’t as good as they think you are.

That they will realise they picked the wrong person for the job.

That the person they choose doesn’t really have the foggiest what they are doing.

Living with that fear that when they find out what will they do.

What will you be able to do when they realise that you can’t do what they think you can.

You won’t be able to earn the same money.

You will need to review how you live.

What will you do, how will you survive, where will you go.

That paralysed fear sometimes can stop you in your tracks.

And all of this despite people telling you how good you are, praising you for your work, glowing reviews and despite all of that you still feel like a fraud.

How do I know?  Oh I used to feel the same.  It was like a hidden disease I used to carry round with me eating myself from the inside out.

BUT know you can change this.  It does need to continue to be like this.

You weren't born with this.  In fact they even give it a name - did you know that?

Imposter syndrome and the beauty of it?  If it has a name that means other people suffer with it too!

Yes you heard right.  Who knows how many people suffer with it but just imagine if all of those people that you fear will find you out are also hoping that they don’t get found out!  Imagine that!

Or that you start to work on your self worth and self love and realise it is all just an illusion.

You are good enough.  You may not know everything but you have some special talents thatthe world needs more of and it should be recognised.

You appreciated the stuff you were good enough at and recognised there could be stuff you could improve.  All from a place of love.

To wake up knowing that how you were showing up today was good enough and that each day you would try new things, learn new things and strive to be a better person.

That’s all it takes.  A decision to at least work on this crazy imposter syndrome.

Otherwise what’s the alternative?  Spending the rest of your days wishing you were different, worried of the shadows and hoping things will change.

Hope does not change things.   Wishing does not change things.  Action does.  I hope you realise that and start the journey to realise imposter syndrome is not a disease, it is just an illusion.  Work under it, over it, through it to the other side.

Imagine what you would like life to look like in the future, free from this syndrome.  How would you be living, how would you feel, what would you be doing, what would you see?  Imagine that.

Start to treat yourself better.  Talk to yourself as you would a friend.  Support yourself, love yourself and appreciate yourself for all the good you have to offer.

I promise you life feels so much better when you cross over and yes as you grow.  It may show up again but you know it, you recognise it and you greet it like an old friend.  You know now how to work through it.

Good luck my friend.  You are incredible.  The key now is for you to believe that from your core.